My Life

An explanation and closer look into who I am and what my life is like, as well as the three big mistakes I’ve made. The Google Docs link is to an explanation document I made, which shows some of things that I was called out for that the person calling me out didn’t have full information on as well as some venting I did to a friend that explain some of the things about my life that are too long to rewrite.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1069sUYS7euHwnztU5OOMkSBO3iJsPy2mFKu9k_7sfSE/edit

My name is Paisley, but I often go by the nickname Nova. Online I’m known as FrostMoon Willow or by the handle demenigiscoro. I’m 18, pansexual, and a furry. I have ADHD, Anxiety, Autism, and Epilepsy.
Due to my mental illnesses I have many issues that I have to deal with. I am very impulsive and act/speak without thinking. That impulsivity has been a problem for me since childhood, and although I’m getting better at controlling that issue, I still struggle with it. I am on medications and they help, but the medication isn’t a miracle fix. I still struggle. When I don’t take my medication the issues are much worse, as is obvious.

My Family/Living Situation

I’m currently living with my parents. My parents are bigoted against the LGBTQ+ community, and are controlling and religious. Until recently I had to sneak online to be on the internet because they didn’t (and still don’t) want me online. Yes, being online is a safety concern, but they restricted everything like crazy. They don’t want me talking to people who they find bad influences (any LGBTQ+ person) and that’s why I’m not allowed to hang out with most friends irl. They tell me to go make friends but the friends I do make they force me to cut contact with. My parents have their own opinions on things and have been telling my siblings and I things based on their opinions, which makes it sound like their opinion is what the said thing is. They don’t tell us that what they’re saying is an opinion or whether they’re just assuming things. I’ve had a lot of misinformation that I have believed was true because they told me that was the way it was. Recently I somehow believed something my parents had said, and stupidly made a post about it. I didn’t stop to think that my parents may have been lying or biased. I don’t know why I didn’t think that. Due to my mental illnesses I’m stuck living with them and their restrictions, and I’m not sure how, if, or when I’ll be able to get away. My parents act as if I were making up this stuff, making up that they’re controlling and making them out to be the villains. While they are better than some other parents out there, I’ve only recently realized (with the help of friends) that they are toxic and controlling. I never realized they were until I took the time to look at it from another angle. I’ve only recently been ‘allowed’ to be on the internet. My parents found out that I was online and I desperatly said “I’m 18” and for once in the 4 or so months I’ve been 18, that excuse/fact worked. They have given up. But still, they have their rules. There is so much more I could say, but this is very long. If you want to learn some more, feel free to ask!

My Recent Mistakes

Recently I’ve made quite a few big mistakes. I’m not hiding them, I’m not denying them. I made some big mistakes and I want to own up to them. These mistakes include “The Pregnancy Art Harassment”, “The Accidental Whitewashing”, and “The Free the Innocent Incident”
The Pregnancy Art Harrassment started when I made a shitpost starring one of my favorite characters being pregnant. That started some rude comments on Twitter, with one person commenting multiple times. Then I started getting harrassment on my StrawPage about it. I was getting up to three gimmicks a day about the harrassment, some of which were honestly stupid and confusing. “Some people draw characters pregnant as a fetish thing.” Yes they do. Did I? I did not. So there’s no point for that message. It was really annoying, and I did a public @mention post to the one person who had made a few comments on Twitter and asked them to stop, and after that the harrassment stopped. A few friends I talked to ‘confirmed’ that it was the person, and I believed them, not just because they were friends but because when I did the public post to that person the harassment stopped, which confirmed to me in my mind that it was that person. Later, even though I didn’t have to and shouldn’t have, I posted some new art featuring the pregnancy related thing and mentioned the username of the person who I thought it was. It was late in the evening so I was a little tired, but that’s not an excuse. I shouldn’t have done that. The person who had made the few comments on Twitter wasn’t the one who had been harassing me, and when I asked my friends (specifically the one who said he knew for sure that it was the person) they said that they weren’t actually sure but had just said they were. I’m not blaming my friends here, yes they shouldn’t have just told me that they knew it was the person which wasn’t true, but I went and believed it and also started it all up again when I shouldn’t have.
The Whitewashing Incident
I made a shitpost of a character that I took about 30 seconds on, and didn’t use a reference for the skin color. I posted it in a discord server but nobody had said anything about it so I posted it to Twitter. Later I got some comments saying that I was whitewashing, and me, having not had my meds the night before due to my mom forgetting, didn’t read though the comments correctly, thinking that people were bothering me for ‘being slightly off’ instead of ‘whitewashing’ and made a bunch of random statements such as “they were headcanons” when I had no such headcanons. I made a big deal about it. That was my fault. Yes my meds were partially to blame, but I still was the one who made the mistake.
And finally, the big mistake.
Somehow, incredibly, even though I knew that my parents lied and only spoke opinions, when my parents had sat my siblings and I down and were talking to us about the Palestine and Israel thing, I believed them. Instead of checking to see if my parents were right, which they weren’t, I boldly thought , “Instead of saying free Palestine in my bio, what if I say free the innocent because like my parents said, Palestine started the war and they've done some things so they're at fault too.” After I posted the thread I made, I had a thought to delete it, but didn’t. Only after I made a few more statements about the idea I thought was true did I realize that my parents had lied to me big time. They didn’t make me post what I did, but they were the ones who gave me the false information. I shoudn’t have posted it in the first place, but I did and I was incorrect. I’ve been doing research about the Palestine and Israel conflict, and have been working on learning other truths about things that I only know biased ‘facts’ about. I do not support genocide, I am not a Zionist, which is a term I only learned after the post I made. I’ve realized my mistake and am sorry. Please feel free to ask me anything about any of this. If you don’t want to ask publicly, feel free to ask through my StrawPage. https://demenigiscoro.straw.page/